healthy living · personal life

my IFG is kind of a beeotch sometimes


sometimes my IFG (inner fat girl) gets the best of me.  lately, it’s at the strangest times.  that bitch just shows up and makes her presence known through my words to myself, my comments to others, my body language, and my shyness.

her grip is strong though.  and i don’t know how to pry her fingers off of me.  sometimes i just want to give up.  to let her win.  to just eat whatever i want and not care what happens.

but i can’t.

i just can’t give up.

i’ve put in too much work.

i started counting calories again this week.  i know i said i was going to stop, but i need some guidance and structure with my diet right now.  i still have my Lose It! app on my phone so i cranked that thing up again.  i don’t know how long i’ll do it.  honestly, i hope that i don’t have to do it for very long.  not only is it annoying to log everything but it’s kind of harmful to my head.  i start to obsess.  this time is different though.  i have done it before, and i have a better perspective now.

so after a few weeks, i’m going to be back on track making healthy choices.  i will stop using the app again when i know i can handle the right foods in appropriate amounts…again.

this “journey” (i still hate that word) is not easy.  it’s an uphill climb most of the time with small downhill sections of success.  but it’s easier than it used to be.  before, i would have just given up.  i would also have to start over again in a few months when i worked up the motivation.  i’m older and wiser now.  ain’t nobody got time fo that.

so i just trudge forward.  always forward.

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