change is always happening. sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad. but it is inevitable.
over the past year, i’ve made some really great changes in my life, especially with my health. there’s also some things i desperately need to work on. one of them is my friendships. they are bound to change over time. i know this, but i still want them to stay the same. i’ve only had one best friend in my life. we’ve been there for each other for the past six years through thick and thin (literally). it used to be so easy. we just had fun with each other. we could talk about anything. we trusted each other completely.
but our friendship is changing and evolving now… it started earlier this year as she worked through a really tough situation in her life. i never judged her decisions and always supported her. then, (understandably) she wanted to move on from it and start over. she began going out and drinking more often, meeting new people, dating. at first, it was kind of fun. i like doing those things too, and now i had a someone else to do them with. but, i started being left out of things (or so it felt). she was moving on…and fast.
i think if our relationship had changed a little more slowly, i could have dealt with it better. i would have had time to adjust. but it happened so quickly. i couldn’t keep up. i was left behind. and now there’s a rift. i don’t like to admit that, but that’s how it feels. i don’t trust her like i used to and that hurts my heart. sometimes it seems like she is just annoyed by me, like i’m just tagging along or dragging her down. and i don’t ever want people to feel like that about me. i feel maybe like i should back off, but i don’t know how or if i even should.
i think the hardest thing is that we used to talk all the time. and i mean, really talk. now we see each other and spend time together pretty much every day and we don’t talk about ANYTHING. it’s all just basic “how was your day” kind of things. unless we’re both drunk. then we have the most honest conversations. however, the next day, everything goes back to the way it was before.
so i’ve been trying to foster other relationships while still trying to fix the one that means so much to me. for example, i’ve started spending more time with my cousin, and that has been beyond great. it has been good for both of us. plus, she knows how crazy our family really is. 🙂
i hope that my best friend will always be like a sister to me. and i don’t want to give up. but i’m not sure how to continue to build our friendship again when things are so different, when we’re so different. i need to figure out if this is our new normal or if we’re just letting it happen.