wow. the past two weeks have sucked. i was doing so well with my food and workouts for WEEKS, MONTHS even. and then all of a sudden, my motivation just disappeared. yeah, there’s shit going on in my life that’s affecting me, things i’m pissed off about, things that make me sad, stress at school. but nothing that’s really all that new. my anxiety has been a little higher lately. maybe that’s part of the problem.
it was just gone.
and it’s been a bitch trying to get it back.
“starting over again” feels so dumb because you think about the mistakes you’ve made that put you in that place, but you also want to move forward on a better path. our mistakes make us who we are in a way. they show some of our character. this is not necessarily a bad thing. getting healthy is pretty much all about making mistakes and moving on from them. if there’s an amazing woman out there who did it perfectly, who’s made it to her maintenance stage and still doesn’t slip up…i want to meet her and pick her brain!
i still want to beat myself up sometimes for eating that or skipping that workout. but it doesn’t change anything. i made that decision. i put that cookie in my mouth. i sat on my ass in my workout clothes for two hours before finally giving up and taking them off. i did it all. but that doesn’t mean that tomorrow will be more of the same. tomorrow can be different if i make it different. nobody else can do it for me. i’m just going to have to suck it up and DO IT. i’m planning on doing an hour or so of some kickass kickboxing to get back in the groove today.