i need to workout for my physical health, of course. but it’s more than that… i
suffer from live with anxiety. i don’t talk about it too much, but it’s there. i remember feeling it even when i was a kid, but i didn’t know what it was. in college, i started researching it to see what the hell was coming over me every few months. i learned a ton, but i also didn’t want to face it back then.
a few years ago, i had a really bad spell of it and had to go on medication. the meds made me feel numb and also helped me pack on 30 pounds that took me years to get off. i’m not knocking medication because i know it has its place, but now i choose not to take that route. one of the things my doctor told me back then was that i needed the medication, but only for a time. i needed to learn how to take care of myself physically and that would help me mentally. he encouraged me to eat healthy and workout a reasonable amount of time a week. eventually, i understood what that meant to me. i NEED to exercise. i NEED to eat healthy. i feel so much better when i do.
so when i stopped taking care of myself a few weeks ago, i felt it physically. it’s hard to explain to people who don’t understand it. my cousin and i have had many a conversation about it because she can relate. she has it too. the other day we were talking about it and we both said that it makes us feel “heavy”. like i’m being held down by something. i am physically sore, especially in my back and shoulders. i want to sleep way too much. i want to stay in andmake excuses to do so. you can see from my dry erase board that i was kind of all over the place last week.
but luckily for me, the anxiety passes. it usually needs some help though. good food and great exercise pushes the anxiety out of my body. and i feel i get the best results with strength workouts. they make me feel amazing. afterwards not during. while i’m doing a strength workout, i’m sweating, cursing, and grunting. but it’s all worth it in the end. i feel strong and powerful and refreshed.
being back on track is great. but i know i’ll get off the rails again. it’s just the way it is. i just have to be conscious of what is happening and make the moves to make it right.
this is one of my recent and favorite strength workouts: