my kids at school ask me all the time – “so when are you getting married?” i almost always answer sarcastically with something like – “this weekend. i ordered a husband, and he’s supposed to arrive tomorrow morning.” they will laugh and usually drop it.
i was having a conversation the other day with my friend, rebecca. she’s recently separated from her husband. she texted me one night and asked how i deal with the loneliness. it’s not the first time i’ve gotten that question from someone. i used to get offended by it, like they were just assuming that because i am single i am automatically crying in a corner every night.
i’ve seen many of my divorced and single friends deal with loneliness. they’ve all had a different reaction. some go wild and want to be out all the time. some feel bored constantly. some are promiscuous. some lock themselves in their homes because they can’t bear to deal with talking to people. some are angry. and some are just plain sad.
i can’t say that i haven’t felt it. just the other day, i cried a little bit. but it’s different now. i’ve always been very independent. just ask my parents who called me extremely “strong willed”. now, i’m an independent woman. for the most part, i take care of myself well – physically and emotionally. i never want to define my life in the shadow of anyone else, whether we’re talking about my grandparents, parents, my sister, a man. it doesn’t matter. i am my own person. and luckily, i have great friends and a wonderful, supportive family that i see as much as i can.
so honestly, at first i didn’t know how to answer the question from rebecca. i don’t really feel lonely often, which i know may sound strange because i’ve lived alone for nearly eight years and have been single for most of that time (mostly by choice). but it’s true. now, this doesn’t mean that i don’t have lonely moments because i do. it’s just that i don’t linger there. i feel it, acknowledge it, and then move on.
lately, there have been some times when i’ve thought – maybe i’ll just be alone forever. maybe it’s just not in the cards for me. and maybe it isn’t. i hope that it’s not. i do want a husband and children. but regardless, i know that i’m a strong, independent, loving woman.
this is pretty much what i told her…
You just have to think of it as not being lonely but just by yourself. There’s nothing wrong with spending time with yourself. Some people are lonely even when they’re in a group, and that’s sad to me. No one can give you anything. You have to find it for yourself. And that’s a hard thing to do but totally necessary. You are good enough. You are your own person. You are strong. You are going to be okay.
she told me immediately that my words made her cry. she requested that i write about it here. maybe someone else needs to hear these words too.