personal life

hope is the thing with feathers.

I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want…a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.  – Shana Abe

i look back on it now, and it seems like nothing. just a little blip on the radar. a tiny mark on my life’s timeline. even as it was happening, i kept reminding myself that it was nothing. but it wasn’t really.

i let myself have a little bit of hope. and the funny thing about hope is that it’s a gateway drug to so many other feelings.

i craved that hope. i had to have it to keep my feelings going. once the hope was gone, everything else collapsed too.

when it left me so quickly after it arrived, I will admit that for a moment, I felt the despair. i allowed myself to really experience the sadness and anger for a day or so. but i couldn’t let it sit and fester. i had to let it go. and quickly. i had to let all of it go… the hope, the happiness, the anger, the sorrow, the gloom.

i hadn’t really let myself grasp that hope in a long time. and while i had it, i felt good. really good. i was more confident and joyful.  i felt refreshed.

now it’s gone and it’s not so bad.  this doesn’t mean that hope is gone forever. i know it will come again.  it’s just time to start over again.

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