healthy living · personal life

i am enough.

until recently, i was on a {mostly} self-imposed dating strike.  i didn’t put myself out there.  i was scared.  of getting hurt, of failing, of being rejected, of falling in love.  i didn’t want to take the risk – good or bad.  both were terrifying.  i’m not sure how i really got to that point, but i just realized i was there this summer.

i cried over it.  i avoided it altogether.  i got pep talks and reprimands from friends.  but nothing really worked.  i wanted a relationship, but i was not interested in doing what i needed to do to get what i wanted.  i think i was almost to the point of giving up.  i was apathetic and {seemingly} content.

and then all of a sudden, i met a nice guy who showed interest in me.  he was a stranger.  i knew nothing about him.  and yet, i felt a pull in his direction.  a little voice told me not to be scared, to go for it.  and i did.  it’s early still, but he continues to show interest and so do i.

be someone who makes you happy

i’m still scared though.  sometimes when i get a text or call from him, i expect him to say he met someone else {read: someone prettier, smarter, or more easy} or it’s not working.  it’s happened before.  why wouldn’t this time be different?

but this time is different. yes, he’s been wonderful so far and doesn’t push me in any way, which is not what i’ve experienced in the past. but i am different now. yeah, i’m frightened about the future and what could happen, but i’m doing it.  i’m putting myself out there for whatever might happen.

i think even if he breaks my heart into a million little pieces, it’ll be worth it because i will have learned something.  i will have pushed myself into the unknown.  i will have taken a chance on happiness. i will have some good memories.

i am enough

so who knows what the future holds… i define self-image with the inside and outside.  i still have bad days, but i have more good self-image days now.  bottom line: i know that i am enough.  all the work that i’ve done on myself has mostly paid off.  i know i am worthy of love because i love myself and accept my flaws.  because after all, you can’t make yourself or anyone else happy if you can’t love yourself.

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