i was joking last week about who of the first year teachers was going to cry first. i was thinking about my first week of teaching. by the wednesday of that week, i was broken. i had no idea how hard it would be to work in a school for at-risk students. not to mention, the school leadership was crumbling before school even started.
i cried silently on the way to school in the backseat of my carpool. i dried it up as we pulled up and made my way quickly to my classroom. i tried to stay busy, thinking that would help me correct my mindset and get ready to battle another day. but as soon as the experienced teacher across the hall came in to check on me right before school started, i broke down again. she told me to go in the corner away from the hall windows and just let it out. she locked the door and wouldn’t let the kids come in for first period until i had myself under control again. i am still grateful that she took the time to do that for me. she knew i could do it, but she also knew that i needed to take a minute to realize it again.
it wasn’t one of the new teachers who cried (that i know of). it was me, the seasoned one.
last week was hard. the first week always is, but this one seemed particularly challenging. with a new principal, a new (expanded) position, and old stresses, there were a lot of hiccups. by friday, i broke down and just cried it out over one particular issue. my assistant principal knew why i was upset and came found me before anyone else could. he also knew exactly what to say to calm me down and give me a better perspective.
i’m still a little upset about the issue, but there’s nothing to be done about it now. i don’t have any control over it anymore. so it’s time to just breathe, accept it, and move on.
it’s something you’ll come to face over and over. there will be times when you are pushed to the breaking point. and often, you will just need to let yourself break down. and then you can think about it in a different way and move on. because it will be okay even if it’s not right away. i hope you can also find those people in your school to support you and care for you when these moments arise.