a few years ago, i got frustrated with my dating life and i gave match.com a go. just so you know…that shit is expensive! and they put you on automatic renewal every few months. it also takes a very long and drawn out conversation with a customer service rep to get out of it. it turned out to be just as frustrating to me as dating in person because guys get really ballsy and forward…and rude when they’re online. so when a guy i had been talking to for a couple of weeks broke a date hours before our first meeting because he “met someone else” (read: someone better), i threw in the towel.
it left a bad taste in my mouth. but real life dating wasn’t much better either. it was just as i had left it. so i gave dating a break. a few very brief relationships and long periods of solitude between followed. most of the time i was okay with it.
but after the last “brief relationship”, i felt restless and a little adventurous. it still took me a few months to get up the courage to try again. i told myself this time would be different. that i would be honest with myself and my potential dates.
a friend was on tinder, but i just didn’t feel comfortable with it. so i consulted my other single friend. she suggested a couple different sites/apps. i settled on one to start. it was very intimidating because as soon as i finished the simple and painless profile, i was bombarded by messages from random guys. i’m talking like twenty in five minutes. i had to weed through them to see who was worth talking to. then came the awkward first conversations. (just for the record, i’m totally judging you for your bad grammar, spelling, and lack of any capitalization.)
i did not tell anyone about it besides my one friend. i don’t know if i was ashamed or what. i just wanted to see what happened without any judgment or opinions. i was scared of running into someone i knew or being made fun of. because for sure, i screenshoted the weirdos to share semi-publicly. the thought of someone doing that to me was kind of humiliating. but i just did it. i went for it.
here’s just a sampling of messages and profiles. some freaked me out and some just made me laugh. (i have commentary in the captions for ya.)
so far, it’s been kind of a repeat of my last experience. sometimes the conversations would be going so well and then he would say something so strange that it would weird me out. sometimes a guy would just disappear or stop talking to me for seemingly no reason. about four weeks in, i started taking some little breaks. those breaks became longer and longer and eventually i just hid my profile. i’m not saying i’m giving up. i just don’t know yet. maybe it’s just not for me. maybe i just need to try a different platform. i’m also not sure because there are some personal situations that I need to figure out and come to terms with. but hey, at least i got some good stories out of it.
things i’ve learned about from the experience (because life is all about learning something, right?!):
- i am okay
- i am picky (and i don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing all the time)
- everyone has baggage
- being single and childless at 30 is a rare thing
- being told you’re pretty (and other nice adjectives) is nice but i still don’t believe it all the time
- my profile writing is on point. i don’t know how many times guys told me that. (also my pics were great.)
- there’s an age gap on the site (and i’m sure that’s true in real life too). there are a lot of young guys and a lot of older men. there’s not a lot in the middle, which is where i am.
- i kill it with the 21-25 age range. unfortunately, i’m not really interesting in adopting a child at this time, but it’s nice to know i have the option.
- some people don’t understand tone and sarcasm. i don’t really need to know those people.