HERE is part one from this year. keep in mind i teach high school students. 🙂
1. me: please stop cutting his arm hair with the safety scissors.
3. student: well, he (the assistant principal) was taking sam (my friend) to the office. so i yelled down the hallway, ‘why you gotta do that! he didn’t do anything! is it cause he’s black?!’ and he gave me lunch detention!
me: wow, you’re dumb. i told you he was in a bad mood today. and he’s black too. you definitely can’t use that excuse.
4. while I was doing tutorials for the upcoming US history state test, i came across a question about nylon stocking shortages after world war II. i asked if they knew what nylon stockings were. they didn’t. so i said, “they’re like hose”. now i should know better, but i didn’t catch it. we then had a conversation about hos for about a minute before i realized they were messing with me. #rookiemistake.
5. me: what are you doing besides singing badly and doing some kind of interpretive dance?
6. me: you misspelled ‘admit’. you have to put a ‘d’ in it.
another student: yeah, you have to put the d in it. (Then they just stared at me until i laughed because it was funny and I have a dirty mind.)
7. me: get up off the ground. you’re going to have to stop proposing marriage every day. it’s not going to happen. move on.
8. me: alec, take your dang band uniform home. it’s been here for a week. i’m not babysitting your feather hat anymore.
9. me: you should walk away now before i insult your outfit. (to a kid in the hall)
10. me: listen, BK. you can’t have it your way. (those are some convenient initials for a joke!)
student: real original, ms. rankin!