school is out tomorrow! teaching is weird, y’all. and funny. and hard. but so funny. 🙂 this is just a sampling of the strange conversations i have with my students every day.
student: ma’am! can you see my butt crack?
me: well, i’m not going to look, but do you feel a breeze?
student: no breeze.
me: then, you’re probably good.
student: ma’am. i have been drinking water all day and my pee is still yellow.
me: then you probably need to drink some more.
student: yeah, i must still be dehydrated.
student: don’t touch me, trick!
me: hey, don’t call people that.
student: he was licking my ear!
me: (sign) number one, you still can’t call people that. number two, that’s so gross.
me: what have you been doing for twenty minutes? where have you been??
student who just came back from the bathroom: ma’am…i had to go number two. it took awhile…
me: too. much. information.
student: if i draw you a picture of a cat, will you take that instead [of an assignment]?
student: two cats?
student: what if i drew a bunch of cats in scarves and hats?
me: (laughing) still no.
student: what if they were all sharing the same scarf? that would be really cute.
me: what is that? (with disgust, pointing at his extra long pinky nail on one hand)
student: it’s my scratching nail! (he demonstrates by scratching his face and hand with the gross nail)
me: that’s the most disgusting thing i’ve ever seen.
then he touched me with it and i screamed and ran away.
student: you forgot to warm up the 3D doodler pen for me!
me: oops. i know that I let you down. is it too late now to say sorry?
student: are you quoting justin beiber as an apology?!
me: i guess i am.
student: okay, i accept.
me: what do y’all want to watch on hulu? (to my kids that happened to finish a project early) oooh! they just added fixer upper!
student: ew! no! my mom watches that all the time!
me: aw! but i love that show!
student: that’s what my mom says too.
me: we would get along just fine, me and your mom!
student: probably not. she’s in prison.
student: are you normal?
me: no. no one is normal. what is normal???
student: you just blew my mind!
student: can we make you out of clay for our catapult? (background: the kids were making a catapult to show how and why the mongols used biological warfare way back when they threw diseased bodies over a walled city to force it to surrender. fun stuff!)
student: can we tear off your limbs and give you smallpox or something?
me: um, i’m concerned by how excited you are by this but yes!