teachin' school

conversations with my students part 4

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

school is out tomorrow!  teaching is weird, y’all.  and funny.  and hard.  but so funny. 🙂  this is just a sampling of the strange conversations i have with my students every day.

student: ma’am! can you see my butt crack?
me: well, i’m not going to look, but do you feel a breeze?
student: no breeze.
me: then, you’re probably good.

student: ma’am.  i have been drinking water all day and my pee is still yellow.
me: then you probably need to drink some more.
student: yeah, i must still be dehydrated.

student: don’t touch me, trick!
me: hey, don’t call people that.
student: he was licking my ear!
me: (sign) number one, you still can’t call people that.  number two, that’s so gross.

me: what have you been doing for twenty minutes?  where have you been??
student who just came back from the bathroom: ma’am…i had to go number two.  it took awhile…
me: too.  much.  information.

student: if i draw you a picture of a cat, will you take that instead [of an assignment]?
me: nope.
student: two cats?
me: nope.
student: what if i drew a bunch of cats in scarves and hats?
me: (laughing) still no.
student:  what if they were all sharing the same scarf?  that would be really cute.

me: what is that? (with disgust, pointing at his extra long pinky nail on one hand)
student: it’s my scratching nail!  (he demonstrates by scratching his face and hand with the gross nail)
me: that’s the most disgusting thing i’ve ever seen.
then he touched me with it and i screamed and ran away.

student: you forgot to warm up the 3D doodler pen for me!
me: oops. i know that I let you down. is it too late now to say sorry?
student: are you quoting justin beiber as an apology?!
me: i guess i am.
student: okay, i accept.

me: what do y’all want to watch on hulu? (to my kids that happened to finish a project early) oooh! they just added fixer upper!
student: ew! no! my mom watches that all the time!
me: aw! but i love that show!
student: that’s what my mom says too.
me: we would get along just fine, me and your mom!
student: probably not.  she’s in prison.

student: are you normal?
me: no.  no one is normal.  what is normal???
student: you just blew my mind!

student: can we make you out of clay for our catapult? (background: the kids were making a catapult to show how and why the mongols used biological warfare way back when they threw diseased bodies over a walled city to force it to surrender. fun stuff!)
me: sure!
student: can we tear off your limbs and give you smallpox or something?
me: um, i’m concerned by how excited you are by this but yes!

2 thoughts on “conversations with my students part 4

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