i’ve always been an anxious person. even thinking back on myself as a child, anxiety was just a part of who i was. and who i am.
it’s something that i come by naturally. my whole family experiences anxiety in someway or another. except my dad.￼ he’s pretty much cool as a cucumber all the time. it’s something that i wish that i would’ve inherited from him. instead i got stubbornness and a hothead from him. that stubbornness has proven to be an advantage though. i rarely really give up and for that i’m grateful. but i also put my foot in my mouth often and get irrationally angry about things that i regret later.￼￼
this new experience that we’re all going through right now has amplifying my anxiety in ways that i never really thought were possible. i am experiencing the physical effects. I’m sick, and i think that’s because i’m run down. and i’m not getting over it as quickly as i normally do because of that too. i’ve also noticed that my heart rate is a little higher than it should be and i’m assuming my blood pressure is higher than it normally is. not to mention, i’m stress eating like there’s no tomorrow.
but there are positives too. i’m trying to find that balance that is so important in times of high stress. i’m working on developing a good routine and sticking to it. i need to meal plan better and actually stick to that. i think outside time is really important right now, and i’m trying to work that into every single day. i’m also maintaining contact with family and friends as often as i can to try to stay connected and talk through everything i’m feeling right now. but it’s not gonna get better overnight. that’s hard to come to terms with but it’s just the way it is right now. FOR EVERYONE. the good thing is that it will get better, and i try to keep that perspective when feels like i’m in a tunnel that’s never going to end. but the light will come. it has to.￼￼￼